A week ago Friday my beloved aunt Martha Crary Gregory passed away. A lot has happened since I last posted on this site, and yet, I need to honor her before I can mention the rest.
When I was young Martha, my cousin Sarah and uncle Gene all lived in Nashville. During this time we saw them fairly often. Then they moved to Portland, where Gene’s family lives. From Little Rock, Arkansas it seemed as if they had moved to the other end of the earth.
Then in my junior year of high school, as I considered colleges, The Evergreen State College was one of the schools at the top of my list. It was my aunt’s diligence that sealed the deal. She made a personal appeal by having students at the Lewis & Clark law school where she worked write letters about their experiences at Evergreen, and by getting my cousin to pick up Evergreen paraphernalia on her way to Seattle.
In the end I chose Evergreen over several more prominent schools simply because I’d have family nearby (even if I hadn’t seen them in more than a decade, which at 18 was more than half my life) and because as a state college, even with out-of-state tuition, I would not accrue nearly the debt I would have at the private schools I was considering.
I spent my first summer after starting college living in Martha’s basement in West Linn. By providing me with a chance to stay in the northwest, discover the joys of Portland and continue to cultivate my identity away from Little Rock and family expectations Martha provided me with a gift that I could never repay. That summer helped to ensure that I would make my home in Portland after graduating. I’ve been here for 14 years as of this month, and in that time Martha remained my closest by proximity parental-like figure and I will miss her dearly.
There are many, many things that Martha taught me. A few of the most important are:
- One of life’s greatest pleasures is going out for breakfast—and ordering as many beverages as you desire.
- Everyone has a great story (more than likely, many) and if you take the time to listen they will be glad to share with you.
- Helping others achieve their goals helps you reach your own.
I am honored that I could spend so much time with Martha in the weeks before she passed away. During that time I was also able to see my dad every day for two weeks, and despite the circumstances of his visit, it is a rarity and I cherish it. I also got to spend time with my cousin Sarah and uncle Gene. Despite living in the same city it has always been rare that Sarah and I see each other, possibly because we know we are just across town if we need one another. However, after being able to spend so much time with her I know I will try harder to make sure that we are together more regularly. While my family may be small they are dear to me.
While in the hospital and then hospice, Martha said to every person that entered her room, “I hope you are voting for the candidate of my choice.” In 2006 she loaned me her copy of the audio book of The Audacity of Hope, ready by the author, Barack Obama. Craig and I listened to it as we drove to and from Little Rock for Christmas, finishing it as we passed Mt Shasta. At the end of the last CD, Craig looked at me and said, “It can’t be the end, he isn’t our president.”
This past week Barack Obama took time off from campaigning in order to visit his ailing grandmother. It only strengthens my appreciation for him that he has put family first at such a critical moment of an historic campaign. I can only imagine how hard it was for him to leave her side and return to the grind of campaigning not knowing if he will see her again. I hope he knows that Martha and others are watching out for both him and his grandmother as we near election day.
Martha, peace be to you. And dance on tables!